This past weekend, Todd and I were sharing funny experiences that we have had during our residencies. The more we talked, the more things came to mind that I truly don't want to forget...after all, some days it is only these funny experiences that keep you from breaking down and crying. So, I have decided that my blog will help serve as a journal for me to remember these times...
---ME to the patient in the ER on my very first day of internship: hello Mr. ---, I am Dr. Grunander. What brings you to the hospital today?
Patient: ok, really. I want a doctor.
ME: sir, I am your doctor. What is bother you?
Patient: no, really. I want a real doctor....
---ME: Intern, please go and consent Mr. --- for his hernia repair and mark his leg on the side of the hernia.
Intern to the patient: Mr. ---, I need you to sign the consent form for surgery.
PATIENT: but I am not here for surgery.
Intern: Yes, you are having hernia surgery.
PATIENT: but I don't have a hernia
Intern: Yes, you have a groin hernia and are having surgery today...hey, why are you eating breakfast, you are having surgery today.
PATIENT: but I have pneumonia, I DON'T HAVE A HERNIA
ME to the Intern (after 20 minutes have gone by): What took you so long???
Intern: The patient forgot that they had a hernia and were having surgery, kept insisting they had pneumonia. It took a little convincing, but the patient signed the consent form and I marked the leg. Funny though, I remember it being a big hernia and this one wasn't very big...come to think of it, this guy is African-American....
ME: our patient is Hispanic....who did you convince to have surgery.....that is not the right patient....he actually signed the consent form....GO BACK, TELL THIS PATIENT THEY CAN EAT AND FOR THE LOVE PLEASE FIND OUR PATIENT!
---Nurse (with a strong accent): Doctor Megan, Doctor Megan your patient is not breathing, patient not breathing...
ME: What??? What??? CALL A CODE BLUE, GET THE CRASH CART, I AM COMING!!!
Nurse: Oh Dr. Megan, don't worry, patient already dead.
---ME to the intern: Please consent the family of the patient in bed #2 for a trach and PEG
Intern (with strong accent): what is this trach and PEG that you speak of?
ME: ok, seriously, get consent for trach and PEG
Intern: can you spell that? What procedure is this? What? What? I don't understand.
ME: ok, now time for someone that can speak English...get someone else.
------ME to trauma patient: hello sir, I am Dr. Grunander. I am the trauma surgeon on call. So you have been stabbed in the belly. Were you stabbed anywhere else?
Trauma patient to ME: what, you are my doctor? How old are you?
My trauma patient in the next bed to my current patient: I know, she told me she was my doctor too but frankly I don't believe it....she looks like 14...
ME to both of them: OK, thank you for the flattery but I am 29....and yes, I am your doctor so quit talking about me and let me take care of you!
Sorry if this is not amusing to many of you...but there will be many more to come!